Hello, nobody reads this blog but I still felt the urge to update it for reasons unknown. It is weird to look at the last posts I did. I feel like it was ages ago. I feel like I used to have sort of a cute aesthetic going on and now i'm like whatever. I want to be cute again!!!! Lately I have not been feeling myself. But then I'm like lately...... and I don't know when lately began. Who knows. I have been writing lots of songs, some stick and some don't. I want to start posting them and just letting things go out into the universe, ya know. I have been using excuses for a while as to why i have been holding them hostage, because they aren't perfect and because they aren't like professional. But you have to start somewhere. I don't know. What am i doing.
I am 22. I don't know who I am.
I started to update my about me section and then i was like.... its sort of a cute time capsule into who i was when i wrote it... so maybe I'll change it but maybe not.
This summer has been awesome, I saw The Rolling Stones, One Direction, Sam Smith, and tomorrow will see Taylor Swift. I went to Oregon and Comic Con and they were both awesome. I miss summer, school has come to steal my soul once more but I am determined to punch that dementor in the face and not lose my mind.
I'm currently listening to my Sam Smith vinyl and singing my tiny heart out, I'm sure to the dismay of my neighbors, to avoid freaking out about school. I am 2 1/2 weeks in, and I added a lab late so I have to do it by myself and I am terribly bad at science and frankly I don't even understand what the questions are asking. Anyway I am feeling very adult-y because I went and added the class and talked to the teacher and then emailed her, which sounds like normal things but it is somewhat frightening to me and I had a lot of anxiety about it beforehand. I also emailed someone at the museum that I volunteer at about Spring Camp. I hate emailing people because i never know how formal to be or how to phrase my sentences and I feel so awkward about it and overall dumb. But I emailed two separate people just at the museum because I sincerely want to help with Spring Camp because I think that would be fun. Except now I have to have an interview, but I will worry about that later. I also spent an insane amount of money on a class at the library, but I swear it was like heaven light shone upon me when I saw the ad for it. It is a stamp making class and I am pretty sure we will be carving linoleum which I have been wanting to do since I did it in art class when I was 15, it is my most favorite thing ever but its one of those situations where I didn't know what to buy or even where to start and this class gives you all the materials!!!! See? HEAVEN LIGHT SHONE UPON ME. And finally I ordered a fjallraven kanken backpack and frankly I'm in love with it, I'm obsessed. I got Frost Green. Anyway here it is in its full glory. FOXES.
Ps. I googled All right vs alright and honestly i still don't know it was not helpful so I'm gonna keep on being alright because that's what i like better
A few nights ago my mother and I went shopping separately at the same mall because we both needed to buy things but didn't have time to both go alone. I accidentally bought myself quite a few things, including this dress from Gap which was 40% off of an already marked price (it was originally 69 and I got it for 29) I also bought myself a NARS lipstick in Fire Down Below which is blood red so it is universally flattering and its such a nice color. I felt I was allowed to splurge because
A. I got a $15 off of $50 coupon from Sephora and
B. I have recently lost my mind and needed to treat myself because I deserve it.
Yesterday i got a haircut, I'm very excited about it, and I got an undercut which is very exciting and makes me feel at least 40% more badass than before and my hair is super shiny and bouncy today. Also Rosamund Pike has an undercut and I am channeling Amazing Amy with her list making right now. I have one more final to go, three work shifts (15 hours, ugh) and then I am freeeeeeeee yes I cannot wait.
This Christmas break will hopefully be filled with:
Red Velvet Hot Cocoa from Coffee Bean
Creating healthy routines for myself
Making lots of art, playing lots of guitar and singing everyday
I am nearing the end of the fall semester, I am both happy and sad, I think that's how it always is. Some classes I will miss and some I wish I could wipe from my memory and probably I won't remember them anyways because I have blacked out from stress. I am at a low point currently, this semester was a struggle, personally and academically. I will be glad when it's over, but that's also a problem because I have become victim to the mentality of "once X happens, everything will be better." It turns out that is not the case, you can't wait for things to change, because if you have a shitty mentality and/or deeper problems, it won't matter, even if they do. It's just a lazy excuse for being stubborn, and in denial of your situation. Not to say that X thing happening can't make things easier, or help you, but they won't make you better, or save your life. Like, "if I could just hit Zayn's high notes in Steal My Girl I would be cured of depression," it won't do that but I would still like to hit those notes.
But honestly, I have this idea, that if only I had more time, I would be able to get my life in order, get my room clean, eat better, exercise, blog more, but in reality there are days I can't move off of the couch without it being a great effort because I feel like I am trapped in a block of cement. Time would be great, but that doesn't mean I would use this time, I have bigger issues going on, and sometimes I like to blame outside factors for my inability to accomplish things.
2014 was not the best year for me but at the same time it was a great year, Benedict Cumberbatch teased me, Kevin Bacon made eye contact with me and smiled at me, I have made good steps and progress musically, I went to Coachella and Comicon, I went to the LACMA, I saw Paul McCartney and Katy Perry in concert. I did other stuff, I can't really remember January - March at this moment, it's like a blank spot so that's cool.
Anyways, I have no point, besides that I have an amazing ability ramble intensely and it's raining and I'm wearing a dress because I am more hard core than anyone.
