FINALS WEEK IM OK I SWEAR

A few nights ago my mother and I went shopping separately at the same mall because we both needed to buy things but didn't have time to both go alone. I accidentally bought myself quite a few things, including this dress from Gap which was 40% off of an already marked price (it was originally 69 and I got it for 29) I also bought myself a NARS lipstick in Fire Down Below which is blood red so it is universally flattering and its such a nice color. I felt I was allowed to splurge because 

A. I got a $15 off of $50 coupon from Sephora and 

B. I have recently lost my mind and needed to treat myself because I deserve it.

Yesterday i got a haircut, I'm very excited about it, and I got an undercut which is very exciting and makes me feel at least 40% more badass than before and my hair is super shiny and bouncy today. Also Rosamund Pike has an undercut and I am channeling Amazing Amy with her list making right now. I have one more final to go, three work shifts (15 hours, ugh) and then I am freeeeeeeee yes I cannot wait.

This Christmas break will hopefully be filled with: 

1. Red Velvet Hot Cocoa from Coffee Bean
2. Creating healthy routines for myself
3. Making lots of art, playing lots of guitar and singing everyday
4. Exercising and treating myself kindly
5. Getting my room cute and clean
6. Updating my blog more frequently!!!

Today it is Raining

 Like Real People Do - Hozier

Anobrain - The 1975

Spaces - One Direction

I am nearing the end of the fall semester, I am both happy and sad, I think that's how it always is. Some classes I will miss and some I wish I could wipe from my memory and probably I won't remember them anyways because I have blacked out from stress. I am at a low point currently, this semester was a struggle, personally and academically. I will be glad when it's over, but that's also a problem because I have become victim to the mentality of "once X happens, everything will be better." It turns out that is not the case, you can't wait for things to change, because if you have a shitty mentality and/or deeper problems, it won't matter, even if they do. It's just a lazy excuse for being stubborn, and in denial of your situation. Not to say that X thing happening can't make things easier, or help you, but they won't make you better, or save your life. Like, "if I could just hit Zayn's high notes in Steal My Girl I would be cured of depression," it won't do that but I would still like to hit those notes. 

But honestly, I have this idea, that if only I had more time, I would be able to get my life in order, get my room clean, eat better, exercise, blog more, but in reality there are days I can't move off of the couch without it being a great effort because I feel like I am trapped in a block of cement. Time would be great, but that doesn't mean I would use this time, I have bigger issues going on, and sometimes I like to blame outside factors for my inability to accomplish things.

2014 was not the best year for me but at the same time it was a great year, Benedict Cumberbatch teased me, Kevin Bacon made eye contact with me and smiled at me, I have made good steps and progress musically, I went to Coachella and Comicon, I went to the LACMA, I saw Paul McCartney and Katy Perry in concert. I did other stuff, I can't really remember January - March at this moment, it's like a blank spot so that's cool. 

Anyways, I have no point, besides that I have an amazing ability ramble intensely and it's raining and I'm wearing a dress because I am more hard core than anyone.

November Wishlist

October came and went, suddenly it's November and the malls are playing Christmas music so loud you can't hear your own thoughts and the Christmas red cups are back. Thanksgiving who? I love Christmas as much as the next girl, but if there is Halloween candy on sale there should not be a Christmas tree next to it. Anyway, onto my wishlist for the month, which is definitely holiday inspired.

Topshop Fliss Glitter Flatform Shoes

Vans Camden in Glitter Leather Rose

Child of Wild Flash Tattoos

Free People Velvet Solid Tank

Nars Lipstick in Fire Down Below

This color is blood red, meaning it's flattering on every single skin tone.

 Maison Jules Sleevless Mixed-Media Dress

Maison Jules Metallic Ombre Lace Dress

Amy Poehler's Yes Please

Cinnamon Apple Ring Recipe

Spinach Artichoke White Pizza Recipe

I hope your November goes swell, we are close to celebration and relaxation! I can't wait!

Pumkin

Happy Halloween! I decided to end the month with a post of my favorite pumpkin items, i have been particularly into pumpkin this year. Whoa i have written the word pumpkin too many times and i am having a mini existential crisis over it. I love pumpkin because people seem to think it is a Halloween thing, no it is a fall thing, you get to enjoy it a longer time! It's fall!!! Anyway, let's get this party started.

1. Trader Joe's Pumpkin Body Butter - I discovered this beautiful magnificent item this year, it is possible it is new this year. This item is magical, it smells so good I cannot even understand how. It is vegan, cruelty free and so on so that's pretty cool too. I put it on after showering, also after shaving my legs and they were like a frickin cloud of silk. Overall this product is stellar and it's only $5, ahem i'm looking at you Lush. (sidenote: i love lush but once i tried to buy moisturizer there and it was $90) so yeah, scoop some up while its in season!

2. Pumpkin Cream Cheese Muffin - Confession time, I used to pick the pumpkin seeds off because i have an aversion to seeds but then this year I started eating Acai bowls with pumpkin seeds in them and wowser they are delicious and also barely noticeable. Anyways I love cream cheese, everyone knows its the best kind of frosting, and this has a pocket of it and wow it is so good.

3. Pumpkin Smoothie - my favorite was the Odwalla protein smoothie, but the last few years I have not seen it anywhere so that's lame. I also got one from Robeks and it was nearly 800 calories, it was delicious but also not helpful if you are trying to watch your calorie intake. If you are interested in making your own low calorie pumpkin smoothie this recipe looks pretty easy and delicious.

4. Bath & BodyWorks Pumpkin Cupcake Scent - I am obsessed with the foaming handsoap, i only like the foaming soaps because frankly they are more fun. Anyways this scent is really nice because it is sweet and pumpkin-y and light and delicious. I am very sensitive to scents and I have had no problems with this, it is not perfume-y at all. However it does make me want cupcakes.


I know what you're thinking,"Oh wow no PSL on this list." Fun fact i don't really care that much about Pumpkin Spice Lattes, I do like them but i'm not obsessed with them. If i'm going to go to Starbucks, I'd rather have a salted caramel mocha frappucino, they put frickin salt on it it's so good ah yes. But if you do like PSLs drink them with pride don't let anyone make you feel bad about it because they are delicious and seasonal so do your thing.

I hope you have a fantastic Halloween

Pixie Handbook - 2 Months In

APRIL - Let's start at the beginning of my hair evolution, starting in April when I decided to cut off a good chunk of beautiful hair. *sheds a tear* 

Here is my hair after I cut it. But then as per usual I think, well I cut it off once, why not again, because as it grew out it had no shape and I wanted a hair cut anyways. "why not just chop it all off? It'll grow back!" IT WILL TAKE YEARS THAT'S WHY

AUGUST 11 - Last photo I took of myself before The Chop w/ my boy George.

AUGUST 17 - I am literally having a panic attack can you see the pain in my eyes. God I hated it so much. I will explain why, I wanted a side parted pixie with a long swoop of hair to the side, this is what I said and illustrated with many pictures of pixies with cheekbone/chin length pieces. I left with this non feminine super short cut that accentuates my large head. I will get to my other problems with it later.

SEPTEMBER 17 - one month in I am sort of able to side part it. It so heavily wanted to go forward for about 6 weeks and had awkward chunks that were too short to do anything with so bobby pins became my best friend. I also vowed not to dye my hair and I lasted 3 weeks.

OCTOBER 18 - It is almost to the length I initially wanted it cut, it is parting to the side nicely (well sort of, right out of the shower it wants to middle part which would be so gross) My hair is growing over my ear, and the funny little short bits infront of my ear can be cutely tucked behind. I like it a lot better now, but still not about it. Also its weird because i am wearing it not the way it was intended so it has strange long pieces in the back.

PROS  - 

Its a life experience?? Here's the thing, people have told me "wow that totally suits you" "Wow so cute!" and i just do not feel it. Maybe it suits me but I want long hair I MISS IT

CONS - 

I MISS MY BANGS, the worst part about having a pixie is i miss my bangs so much.

I get the urge to put my hair in a ponytail which I cannot and its unsatisfying. 

Also it is not that cool, people were like oh i bet your hair was hot, this will be a lot cooler. Nope. 

I have a super huge Ben Affleck head and I feel this accentuates it. 

My hair stuck out weird at first and still does because you have to constantly trim it like once a month to keep it the way you want. 

Also if you sleep on it it gets super weird.

Cannot cover bra straps with your hair, due to no hair.

Nothing to move around, you can't do stellar hair flips while singing to Beyonce, which is a big thing in my life.

No fun styles, its very one note.

I will be 23 when it is the length in the first pictures. TWENTY THREE.

You get the idea, it is my life currently but I like long hair better, I felt very un-pretty the first 3 weeks I had it. My advice is to think about it A LOT before hand. What kind of hair do you have? This will greatly affect the cut, sometimes a cut looks super cute but on your own head it may not turn out how you want. If you like wearing your hair down over your shoulders, i would not advise this cut, it is very hard to get used to not having.

So far I have not gotten my hair trimmed or re-shaped. I'm just trying to get it to grow out as quickly as possible. I can't wait until I get a cute lil bob, I think I will like that.

Housekeeping

I am adding three new series to my blog to help keep myself on a loose schedule so that I actually post. I want to post, but it is easy to sweep under the rug and forget about for six months/forever.
Here is what will be going on....

1. Monthly Wishlist - I already posted one for October, I think this will be fun and easy. It will include clothes, makeup, food, books, movies, etc. Pretty much whatever is on my mind, sort of like an updated pinterest post/moodboard but a bit more specific.
2. Pixie- This will be a series dedicated to the process of growing out my pixie cut. I've read many, many, many guides and timelines of people growing out their pixies so I figured I would do one as well to provide a realistic timeline for how long it will take you if you chop your hair off. I will also post styling and my routines more frequently, but i will try to show the growth about every 2 months, about every inch. 
3. Health - The third will be dedicated to my fitness plan as well as mental health. A detailed account of my plans and actions to get healthy. I will include everything I am working on and the plans I have to help myself stay on track.

Along with these I will hopefully start up my OOTDs again because I truly love blogging and I like having it to look back on and see what I was doing and wearing at different times. SO I"m excited to get my blog back to happy town.

October Wishlist

In the Audience Dress 

Kat Von D Studded Lipstick in Poe and Gothica

UO BDG Twig High-Rise Ankle-Zip Jean

Benefit 'Hello Flawless!' Oxygen Wow Liquid Foundation

Tommy Hilfiger Bettina Monk Strap Flats

Sweater-Knit Herringbone Jacket

This Is Where I Leave You by Jonathan Tropper

Caramel Peach + White Chocolate Oatmeal Skillet Cookie Pie

Soft Pretzel Wreath

This month I am interested in feeling fallish. I want to wear dark lipstick and plaid and loafers and cardigans and I want to crunch leaves and eat pumpkin and salted caramel everything. And more than anything I am begging San Diego to please please please please please cool down (it's been 90+ everyday) I WANT TO WEAR A GOSH DARN CARDIGAN.

To see more things like this follow me on pinterest.

Firework

I have been dreadful recently at posting, college sucks the life out of me. Some rad things I've recently done include:

• start my sophomore year of college (classes: design, italian, art history, world religions and dance)
• saw Katy Perry* in concert w/ opening act Tegan and Sara at the Anaheim Honda Center (which was a great venue because you could actually see her even from the nosebleed seats)
• began and ended my first paid real life job (it was a temporary fall rush situation, don't worry i wasn't fired or anything)
• applied to be a volunteer at a local museum I am officially helping with the King Tut exhibit at one of my local museums!
• cut all my hair off** (it's the first time i've truly cut all my hair off)

*I didn't want to clog the list but Katy Perry was amazing, i have seen her now twice and i do love her. She puts on an amazing show and really puts her all into it. Concerts are one of my most favorite things in the world. She had "prism vision" which were like those old paper 3D glasses but they took the light and created prisms with it essentially and it was truly magical and transcendent. I may have cried during Firework but ya know, it was a beautiful experience.

** i have no explanation for why i did this except curiosity and the need for change. I'm glad I did it but I can't wait until i can put my hair into a mini lil ponytail. I long to put a stupid hair tie in my hair. Also short hair is boring you can't move it around or flip it or whip people's faces with it which is my favorite pastime.

Paper Back Writer

I am feeling amazing. This past weekend I went to LA with my mom and grandma and while there is always stress when traveling with family it was an excellent trip. We saw Paul McCartney at Dodger Stadium, we stayed in a hotel and we went to the LACMA. I honestly felt amazing, Paul McCartney was amazing. I wasn't as excited about the whole event as I would've been for a musician I listen to a lot, but it turned out to be one of my top five favorite concerts. But to be honest, every concert is my favorite concert.. hehe. But Paul was honestly fantastic. It was a humbling experience to be in a stadium full of 56,000 people singing along to the same song. It was insane. Plus the fact that Paul is just obviously a very very talented person. I felt it was obvious he is not jaded and truly enjoyed the whole show. He played for nearly 3 hours and he was so funny and did little dances. I don't know I just have major respect for him. We stayed at the hilton in downtown LA it was nice because my mom and i haven't stayed in a hotel for a few years and they had a rooftop jacuzzi that was fun and we could look out and see the hills of LA and the cool ass library. Then yesterday we went to the LACMA, Los Angeles County Museum of Art. It was amazing i felt like my soul was right where it was supposed to be. I was super happy to finally see the illustrious lamp post installation that everyone and their mother has taken pictures in. FINALLY I AM A COOL INSTAGRAMMER I HAVE THE LAMPPOSTS! But they also have this insane exhibit that changes your perception of color and light and let me just say my perception is changed. It was insane, you go in this weird room and you have to take off your shoes and put on those weird feet covers and I highly recommend you all go. It is a permanent installation, all you have to do is make a reservation. The museum is ginormous and has so many cool things. Its great.Currently they have a Van Gogh exhibit and wow honestly van gogh i know people are all pretentious and don't want to be into him because he's so well known now but there's a reason. Never feel bad for liking something everyone else likes if you truly enjoy it because there's a reason it's liked! Van Gogh paintings are amazing they are fantastic and lovely and i love them. so there. Anyways I had a great weekend. I feel good about life.

Never Look Back, Never Give Up

I'm on a quest of forgiveness My Name is Earl style. But the person I most need to forgive is myself. Forgiveness itself is one of the hardest things to do fully without resentment or hidden hurt feelings but self forgiveness is almost impossible. I need to forgive myself for being alive, frankly. I am not the person who I want to be. There's so much I want to do and be but I am just a girl and things don't happen overnight. I cannot suddenly be well adjusted and free of emotional distress overnight. I have made mistakes and I am not perfect. So I am trying to get to know myself better because before this year I was a stranger to my own self. I made so many bad decisions because I just didnt know myself at all. At the end of the day you have to love yourself. 

So I am trying to better myself, both mentally and physically. I have a lot of emotional problems and while I thought I was in touch with my emotions I frankly do not think so. I am trying to be more active instead of letting myself sit on the couch all day because it just makes me feel depressed, so I need to force myself into living until I actually want to. 

This coming school year, I am dreading it, but I will grow and learn and help myself to care and feel and actually get excited about things again and feel compassion and love. I will jump into the things I want to do instead of always creating excuses and shying away and wishing things were different. I will create and be alive. 

And last but not least STOP BEING JEALOUS. I am so jealous of other girls my age who have it figured out and are successful and it's a trap set up by society. Instead I need to celebrate their success and learn from what they've done and use it in a positive and encouraging way instead of constantly comparing myself in every possible way.

NINETEEN

I am nineteen years old. I guess. I feel the same as always but that's the funny thing about birthdays. Anyways I love my birthday and I love May, this was the first year I wasn't in school so it was a bit different. Anyways here are a few of my presents. 

An iPad mini AND a pink instax!!! Dreams do come true. Anyways just wanted to throw together a quick birthday post. Ps. Created this post on my iPad hehehe.