Never Look Back, Never Give Up

I'm on a quest of forgiveness My Name is Earl style. But the person I most need to forgive is myself. Forgiveness itself is one of the hardest things to do fully without resentment or hidden hurt feelings but self forgiveness is almost impossible. I need to forgive myself for being alive, frankly. I am not the person who I want to be. There's so much I want to do and be but I am just a girl and things don't happen overnight. I cannot suddenly be well adjusted and free of emotional distress overnight. I have made mistakes and I am not perfect. So I am trying to get to know myself better because before this year I was a stranger to my own self. I made so many bad decisions because I just didnt know myself at all. At the end of the day you have to love yourself. 

So I am trying to better myself, both mentally and physically. I have a lot of emotional problems and while I thought I was in touch with my emotions I frankly do not think so. I am trying to be more active instead of letting myself sit on the couch all day because it just makes me feel depressed, so I need to force myself into living until I actually want to. 

This coming school year, I am dreading it, but I will grow and learn and help myself to care and feel and actually get excited about things again and feel compassion and love. I will jump into the things I want to do instead of always creating excuses and shying away and wishing things were different. I will create and be alive. 

And last but not least STOP BEING JEALOUS. I am so jealous of other girls my age who have it figured out and are successful and it's a trap set up by society. Instead I need to celebrate their success and learn from what they've done and use it in a positive and encouraging way instead of constantly comparing myself in every possible way.

NINETEEN

I am nineteen years old. I guess. I feel the same as always but that's the funny thing about birthdays. Anyways I love my birthday and I love May, this was the first year I wasn't in school so it was a bit different. Anyways here are a few of my presents. 

An iPad mini AND a pink instax!!! Dreams do come true. Anyways just wanted to throw together a quick birthday post. Ps. Created this post on my iPad hehehe. 

May

Currently perusing Nars lipstick shades online because i am addicted to reading reviews of products even if I don't listen to them and buy the product regardless, and i plan on rewarding myself with a lipstick. Becaaaaaaaauuuuuuuuuse, I am done with my first year of college! Today is officially the first day of my summer! which is great because I've never been on summer vacation on my birthday before (5/21), so i'm pretty excited about that. I'm going to try to make this summer a productive one since it's a bit longer than usual and i'm a bit over sitting around all day summer mentality, so check out my etsy as I will be hopefully working a lot more and there may or may not be some cool sales over the summer.

This year was so cool and went by so quickly so i feel confused and still a little stuck in high school mentally. I think I have made a lot of progress just in myself and figuring out what things i like and what i don't like or need in my life. But before i get too introspective and fill this post with cliches I am going to stop.

This summer I hope to work more on my art, both in continuing the techniques I learned in my drawing classes as well as music wise. And then after that I want to get my etsy functioning and awesome. I hope to get more motivation to do things because I have a really hard time with it. Also I hope to get back into my healthy routines and exercise more and actually follow through with plans. Basically i want to get my life together, easy right?

Just kidding I'll probably wake up at noon everyday and watch netflix in my pajamas.

Overall I'm really excited for my birthday and I feel so happy in the springtime.

COACHELLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA BABY

I went to Coachella.

I know exciting, right? it was pretty exciting. An amazing experience to say the least.

In case you don't know, Coachella Valley Music and Arts Festival is in the desert (Indio, California), it takes place from Thursday-Sunday although concerts don't start until Friday you can show up on Thursday and set up your tent. Oh and mostly you camp in a tent near your car. Some people (ahem, celebrities) get hotels or luxury houses to stay in but us normal folk stay in tents on the grounds.

Super Highlights:

• I met and hugged Kate Nash (full body, everyone else was hugged over the divider put up to keep fans from climbing on stage but she came around to hug me because I was last and didn't get to take a picture)
• Pharrell was amaaaaazing, he had so many guests including: Gwen Stefani (!!!!!), Snoop Dogg, Busta Rhymes, Nelly, Diplo, Tyler the Creator... I think that's everyone, haha it was insane, he put on one of the best shows ah so good. Plus I just like his music anyways.
• I got to see the 1975 and i was soooooo close literally like they were right there damn so good and Matt was shirtless and he was the most amazing performer, they put on an amazing show
• I've discovered my true calling in life is DJ'ing just kidding (I'm totally not kidding wouldn't that be the most rad, fun job ever?)

Things I won't miss: 

• Porta Potties as the only bathrooms. Pretty self explanatory.
• Never having a full battery on my phone
• The heat.
• Then the wind.
• Then the heat again.
• On Friday the heat was so bad we only could watch 2 songs from Haim even though I love them because i felt the sun draining my life
• Dirt. Everywhere. Your eyes, your toes, your elbow creases, your armpits, your hair. Everywhere. Mixing with your sweat so you're just a sweat mud monster. I don't care how cute those girls look in their maxi dress ootds, they are gonna be dusty as heck by the end of the day. 
• Beyonce was there and i didn't see her (insert sobs)

Musicians I saw (even if just for a minute, in order):

Friday: Mako, Davide Squillace, Aloe Blacc, the Jon Spencer Blues Explosion, HAIM, Bastille, Kate Nash, Ellie Goulding

Saturday: White Lies, Temples, Bombay Bicycle Club, Carbon Airways, GTA, Julian Casablancas, Cajmere,Warpaint, City and Colour, Kid Cudi, MGMT, Lorde, Solange, Fatboy Slim, Foster the People, Pharrell Williams, Muse

Sunday: Preservation Hall Jazz Band, Courtney Barnett, STRFKR, the 1975

KATE NASH:

LORDE:

THE 1975:

ELLIE GOULDING:

Overall I had an amazing time and i want to go back immediately!!!

//Uni VoxBox//

In the photos above I am wearing only the Expert Last Lipstick and Rimmel Stay Matte Foundation on my face and the photos are completely unfiltered or doctored. 

The first voxbox I received only included one item, however this one was like a kit and included many items of different varieties, here are the products I received:

• NYC New York Color Expert Last Lipstick - (Forever Fuchsia) It smells like bubblegum and it looks like bubblegum so yeah pretty great, easy to apply and has a soft texture. Also fuchsia is an insane word.

• Rimmel London Stay Matte Liquid Mousse Foundation - (200 Soft Beige) I usually use BB cream and this was certainly thicker than I was expecting. It is a pretty good match, however since they sent it to me vs me picking it out in the store it is perhaps a little bit lighter than my skin tone. But it does look really good in the photos who is that even skin-toned princess??

• Broadway Nails imPRESS Manicures - (First Date) These are so neat, they remind me of the press on nails that I used when I was younger to pretend i was a fancy lady. But these are a grown up version in a trendy mauve purple.

• Pilot Acroball Pure White - If you should know one thing about me, it's that i love pizza. But if you should know a second thing about me it's that i love pens, I love to always have a pen on my person especially because I draw all the time. I have a pretty good pen collection I love pens of all colors and types so I will never refuse the chance to test one for free. This pen is great, it has the squishy thing that I will never turn down. It's the perfect pen to take notes with, it's cute and useful.

• Red Rose Real Tea Premium Water Enhancers - (Blackcurrant Raspberry) It's gluten free and doesn't need to be refrigerated, so you can take it with you. It is also only 5 calories and makes 24 servings.Its made from real black tea and contains no dyes or coloring and can be used to make both hot and iced tea. It's simple and a delicious, low calorie alternative to soda that can be made on the go.

• Playtex Sport Fresh Balance - These tampons are designed to fit your body and use Flexfit and odor shield technology to help you out when life isn't great. And they smell pleasant enough to lift your mood at least for a little while. 

*I received these products complimentary from Influenster for testing purposes.*