Paper Back Writer

I am feeling amazing. This past weekend I went to LA with my mom and grandma and while there is always stress when traveling with family it was an excellent trip. We saw Paul McCartney at Dodger Stadium, we stayed in a hotel and we went to the LACMA. I honestly felt amazing, Paul McCartney was amazing. I wasn't as excited about the whole event as I would've been for a musician I listen to a lot, but it turned out to be one of my top five favorite concerts. But to be honest, every concert is my favorite concert.. hehe. But Paul was honestly fantastic. It was a humbling experience to be in a stadium full of 56,000 people singing along to the same song. It was insane. Plus the fact that Paul is just obviously a very very talented person. I felt it was obvious he is not jaded and truly enjoyed the whole show. He played for nearly 3 hours and he was so funny and did little dances. I don't know I just have major respect for him. We stayed at the hilton in downtown LA it was nice because my mom and i haven't stayed in a hotel for a few years and they had a rooftop jacuzzi that was fun and we could look out and see the hills of LA and the cool ass library. Then yesterday we went to the LACMA, Los Angeles County Museum of Art. It was amazing i felt like my soul was right where it was supposed to be. I was super happy to finally see the illustrious lamp post installation that everyone and their mother has taken pictures in. FINALLY I AM A COOL INSTAGRAMMER I HAVE THE LAMPPOSTS! But they also have this insane exhibit that changes your perception of color and light and let me just say my perception is changed. It was insane, you go in this weird room and you have to take off your shoes and put on those weird feet covers and I highly recommend you all go. It is a permanent installation, all you have to do is make a reservation. The museum is ginormous and has so many cool things. Its great.Currently they have a Van Gogh exhibit and wow honestly van gogh i know people are all pretentious and don't want to be into him because he's so well known now but there's a reason. Never feel bad for liking something everyone else likes if you truly enjoy it because there's a reason it's liked! Van Gogh paintings are amazing they are fantastic and lovely and i love them. so there. Anyways I had a great weekend. I feel good about life.

Never Look Back, Never Give Up

I'm on a quest of forgiveness My Name is Earl style. But the person I most need to forgive is myself. Forgiveness itself is one of the hardest things to do fully without resentment or hidden hurt feelings but self forgiveness is almost impossible. I need to forgive myself for being alive, frankly. I am not the person who I want to be. There's so much I want to do and be but I am just a girl and things don't happen overnight. I cannot suddenly be well adjusted and free of emotional distress overnight. I have made mistakes and I am not perfect. So I am trying to get to know myself better because before this year I was a stranger to my own self. I made so many bad decisions because I just didnt know myself at all. At the end of the day you have to love yourself. 

So I am trying to better myself, both mentally and physically. I have a lot of emotional problems and while I thought I was in touch with my emotions I frankly do not think so. I am trying to be more active instead of letting myself sit on the couch all day because it just makes me feel depressed, so I need to force myself into living until I actually want to. 

This coming school year, I am dreading it, but I will grow and learn and help myself to care and feel and actually get excited about things again and feel compassion and love. I will jump into the things I want to do instead of always creating excuses and shying away and wishing things were different. I will create and be alive. 

And last but not least STOP BEING JEALOUS. I am so jealous of other girls my age who have it figured out and are successful and it's a trap set up by society. Instead I need to celebrate their success and learn from what they've done and use it in a positive and encouraging way instead of constantly comparing myself in every possible way.

NINETEEN

I am nineteen years old. I guess. I feel the same as always but that's the funny thing about birthdays. Anyways I love my birthday and I love May, this was the first year I wasn't in school so it was a bit different. Anyways here are a few of my presents. 

An iPad mini AND a pink instax!!! Dreams do come true. Anyways just wanted to throw together a quick birthday post. Ps. Created this post on my iPad hehehe. 

May

Currently perusing Nars lipstick shades online because i am addicted to reading reviews of products even if I don't listen to them and buy the product regardless, and i plan on rewarding myself with a lipstick. Becaaaaaaaauuuuuuuuuse, I am done with my first year of college! Today is officially the first day of my summer! which is great because I've never been on summer vacation on my birthday before (5/21), so i'm pretty excited about that. I'm going to try to make this summer a productive one since it's a bit longer than usual and i'm a bit over sitting around all day summer mentality, so check out my etsy as I will be hopefully working a lot more and there may or may not be some cool sales over the summer.

This year was so cool and went by so quickly so i feel confused and still a little stuck in high school mentally. I think I have made a lot of progress just in myself and figuring out what things i like and what i don't like or need in my life. But before i get too introspective and fill this post with cliches I am going to stop.

This summer I hope to work more on my art, both in continuing the techniques I learned in my drawing classes as well as music wise. And then after that I want to get my etsy functioning and awesome. I hope to get more motivation to do things because I have a really hard time with it. Also I hope to get back into my healthy routines and exercise more and actually follow through with plans. Basically i want to get my life together, easy right?

Just kidding I'll probably wake up at noon everyday and watch netflix in my pajamas.

Overall I'm really excited for my birthday and I feel so happy in the springtime.

COACHELLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA BABY

I went to Coachella.

I know exciting, right? it was pretty exciting. An amazing experience to say the least.

In case you don't know, Coachella Valley Music and Arts Festival is in the desert (Indio, California), it takes place from Thursday-Sunday although concerts don't start until Friday you can show up on Thursday and set up your tent. Oh and mostly you camp in a tent near your car. Some people (ahem, celebrities) get hotels or luxury houses to stay in but us normal folk stay in tents on the grounds.

Super Highlights:

• I met and hugged Kate Nash (full body, everyone else was hugged over the divider put up to keep fans from climbing on stage but she came around to hug me because I was last and didn't get to take a picture)
• Pharrell was amaaaaazing, he had so many guests including: Gwen Stefani (!!!!!), Snoop Dogg, Busta Rhymes, Nelly, Diplo, Tyler the Creator... I think that's everyone, haha it was insane, he put on one of the best shows ah so good. Plus I just like his music anyways.
• I got to see the 1975 and i was soooooo close literally like they were right there damn so good and Matt was shirtless and he was the most amazing performer, they put on an amazing show
• I've discovered my true calling in life is DJ'ing just kidding (I'm totally not kidding wouldn't that be the most rad, fun job ever?)

Things I won't miss: 

• Porta Potties as the only bathrooms. Pretty self explanatory.
• Never having a full battery on my phone
• The heat.
• Then the wind.
• Then the heat again.
• On Friday the heat was so bad we only could watch 2 songs from Haim even though I love them because i felt the sun draining my life
• Dirt. Everywhere. Your eyes, your toes, your elbow creases, your armpits, your hair. Everywhere. Mixing with your sweat so you're just a sweat mud monster. I don't care how cute those girls look in their maxi dress ootds, they are gonna be dusty as heck by the end of the day. 
• Beyonce was there and i didn't see her (insert sobs)

Musicians I saw (even if just for a minute, in order):

Friday: Mako, Davide Squillace, Aloe Blacc, the Jon Spencer Blues Explosion, HAIM, Bastille, Kate Nash, Ellie Goulding

Saturday: White Lies, Temples, Bombay Bicycle Club, Carbon Airways, GTA, Julian Casablancas, Cajmere,Warpaint, City and Colour, Kid Cudi, MGMT, Lorde, Solange, Fatboy Slim, Foster the People, Pharrell Williams, Muse

Sunday: Preservation Hall Jazz Band, Courtney Barnett, STRFKR, the 1975

KATE NASH:

LORDE:

THE 1975:

ELLIE GOULDING:

Overall I had an amazing time and i want to go back immediately!!!