This summer has been awesome, I saw The Rolling Stones, One Direction, Sam Smith, and tomorrow will see Taylor Swift. I went to Oregon and Comic Con and they were both awesome. I miss summer, school has come to steal my soul once more but I am determined to punch that dementor in the face and not lose my mind.
I'm currently listening to my Sam Smith vinyl and singing my tiny heart out, I'm sure to the dismay of my neighbors, to avoid freaking out about school. I am 2 1/2 weeks in, and I added a lab late so I have to do it by myself and I am terribly bad at science and frankly I don't even understand what the questions are asking. Anyway I am feeling very adult-y because I went and added the class and talked to the teacher and then emailed her, which sounds like normal things but it is somewhat frightening to me and I had a lot of anxiety about it beforehand. I also emailed someone at the museum that I volunteer at about Spring Camp. I hate emailing people because i never know how formal to be or how to phrase my sentences and I feel so awkward about it and overall dumb. But I emailed two separate people just at the museum because I sincerely want to help with Spring Camp because I think that would be fun. Except now I have to have an interview, but I will worry about that later. I also spent an insane amount of money on a class at the library, but I swear it was like heaven light shone upon me when I saw the ad for it. It is a stamp making class and I am pretty sure we will be carving linoleum which I have been wanting to do since I did it in art class when I was 15, it is my most favorite thing ever but its one of those situations where I didn't know what to buy or even where to start and this class gives you all the materials!!!! See? HEAVEN LIGHT SHONE UPON ME. And finally I ordered a fjallraven kanken backpack and frankly I'm in love with it, I'm obsessed. I got Frost Green. Anyway here it is in its full glory. FOXES.
Ps. I googled All right vs alright and honestly i still don't know it was not helpful so I'm gonna keep on being alright because that's what i like better
A few nights ago my mother and I went shopping separately at the same mall because we both needed to buy things but didn't have time to both go alone. I accidentally bought myself quite a few things, including this dress from Gap which was 40% off of an already marked price (it was originally 69 and I got it for 29) I also bought myself a NARS lipstick in Fire Down Below which is blood red so it is universally flattering and its such a nice color. I felt I was allowed to splurge because
A. I got a $15 off of $50 coupon from Sephora and
B. I have recently lost my mind and needed to treat myself because I deserve it.
Yesterday i got a haircut, I'm very excited about it, and I got an undercut which is very exciting and makes me feel at least 40% more badass than before and my hair is super shiny and bouncy today. Also Rosamund Pike has an undercut and I am channeling Amazing Amy with her list making right now. I have one more final to go, three work shifts (15 hours, ugh) and then I am freeeeeeeee yes I cannot wait.
This Christmas break will hopefully be filled with:
Red Velvet Hot Cocoa from Coffee Bean
Creating healthy routines for myself
Making lots of art, playing lots of guitar and singing everyday
I am nearing the end of the fall semester, I am both happy and sad, I think that's how it always is. Some classes I will miss and some I wish I could wipe from my memory and probably I won't remember them anyways because I have blacked out from stress. I am at a low point currently, this semester was a struggle, personally and academically. I will be glad when it's over, but that's also a problem because I have become victim to the mentality of "once X happens, everything will be better." It turns out that is not the case, you can't wait for things to change, because if you have a shitty mentality and/or deeper problems, it won't matter, even if they do. It's just a lazy excuse for being stubborn, and in denial of your situation. Not to say that X thing happening can't make things easier, or help you, but they won't make you better, or save your life. Like, "if I could just hit Zayn's high notes in Steal My Girl I would be cured of depression," it won't do that but I would still like to hit those notes.
But honestly, I have this idea, that if only I had more time, I would be able to get my life in order, get my room clean, eat better, exercise, blog more, but in reality there are days I can't move off of the couch without it being a great effort because I feel like I am trapped in a block of cement. Time would be great, but that doesn't mean I would use this time, I have bigger issues going on, and sometimes I like to blame outside factors for my inability to accomplish things.
2014 was not the best year for me but at the same time it was a great year, Benedict Cumberbatch teased me, Kevin Bacon made eye contact with me and smiled at me, I have made good steps and progress musically, I went to Coachella and Comicon, I went to the LACMA, I saw Paul McCartney and Katy Perry in concert. I did other stuff, I can't really remember January - March at this moment, it's like a blank spot so that's cool.
Anyways, I have no point, besides that I have an amazing ability ramble intensely and it's raining and I'm wearing a dress because I am more hard core than anyone.
I am adding three new series to my blog to help keep myself on a loose schedule so that I actually post. I want to post, but it is easy to sweep under the rug and forget about for six months/forever.
Here is what will be going on....
Monthly Wishlist - I already posted one for October, I think this will be fun and easy. It will include clothes, makeup, food, books, movies, etc. Pretty much whatever is on my mind, sort of like an updated pinterest post/moodboard but a bit more specific.
Pixie- This will be a series dedicated to the process of growing out my pixie cut. I've read many, many, many guides and timelines of people growing out their pixies so I figured I would do one as well to provide a realistic timeline for how long it will take you if you chop your hair off. I will also post styling and my routines more frequently, but i will try to show the growth about every 2 months, about every inch.
Health - The third will be dedicated to my fitness plan as well as mental health. A detailed account of my plans and actions to get healthy. I will include everything I am working on and the plans I have to help myself stay on track.
Along with these I will hopefully start up my OOTDs again because I truly love blogging and I like having it to look back on and see what I was doing and wearing at different times. SO I"m excited to get my blog back to happy town.
I have been dreadful recently at posting, college sucks the life out of me. Some rad things I've recently done include:
start my sophomore year of college (classes: design, italian, art history, world religions and dance)
saw Katy Perry* in concert w/ opening act Tegan and Sara at the Anaheim Honda Center (which was a great venue because you could actually see her even from the nosebleed seats)
began and ended my first paid real life job (it was a temporary fall rush situation, don't worry i wasn't fired or anything)
applied to be a volunteer at a local museum I am officially helping with the King Tut exhibit at one of my local museums!
cut all my hair off** (it's the first time i've truly cut all my hair off)
*I didn't want to clog the list but Katy Perry was amazing, i have seen her now twice and i do love her. She puts on an amazing show and really puts her all into it. Concerts are one of my most favorite things in the world. She had "prism vision" which were like those old paper 3D glasses but they took the light and created prisms with it essentially and it was truly magical and transcendent. I may have cried during Firework but ya know, it was a beautiful experience.
** i have no explanation for why i did this except curiosity and the need for change. I'm glad I did it but I can't wait until i can put my hair into a mini lil ponytail. I long to put a stupid hair tie in my hair. Also short hair is boring you can't move it around or flip it or whip people's faces with it which is my favorite pastime.
I am feeling amazing. This past weekend I went to LA with my mom and grandma and while there is always stress when traveling with family it was an excellent trip. We saw Paul McCartney at Dodger Stadium, we stayed in a hotel and we went to the LACMA. I honestly felt amazing, Paul McCartney was amazing. I wasn't as excited about the whole event as I would've been for a musician I listen to a lot, but it turned out to be one of my top five favorite concerts. But to be honest, every concert is my favorite concert.. hehe. But Paul was honestly fantastic. It was a humbling experience to be in a stadium full of 56,000 people singing along to the same song. It was insane. Plus the fact that Paul is just obviously a very very talented person. I felt it was obvious he is not jaded and truly enjoyed the whole show. He played for nearly 3 hours and he was so funny and did little dances. I don't know I just have major respect for him. We stayed at the hilton in downtown LA it was nice because my mom and i haven't stayed in a hotel for a few years and they had a rooftop jacuzzi that was fun and we could look out and see the hills of LA and the cool ass library. Then yesterday we went to the LACMA, Los Angeles County Museum of Art. It was amazing i felt like my soul was right where it was supposed to be. I was super happy to finally see the illustrious lamp post installation that everyone and their mother has taken pictures in. FINALLY I AM A COOL INSTAGRAMMER I HAVE THE LAMPPOSTS! But they also have this insane exhibit that changes your perception of color and light and let me just say my perception is changed. It was insane, you go in this weird room and you have to take off your shoes and put on those weird feet covers and I highly recommend you all go. It is a permanent installation, all you have to do is make a reservation. The museum is ginormous and has so many cool things. Its great.Currently they have a Van Gogh exhibit and wow honestly van gogh i know people are all pretentious and don't want to be into him because he's so well known now but there's a reason. Never feel bad for liking something everyone else likes if you truly enjoy it because there's a reason it's liked! Van Gogh paintings are amazing they are fantastic and lovely and i love them. so there. Anyways I had a great weekend. I feel good about life.
I'm on a quest of forgiveness My Name is Earl style. But the person I most need to forgive is myself. Forgiveness itself is one of the hardest things to do fully without resentment or hidden hurt feelings but self forgiveness is almost impossible. I need to forgive myself for being alive, frankly. I am not the person who I want to be. There's so much I want to do and be but I am just a girl and things don't happen overnight. I cannot suddenly be well adjusted and free of emotional distress overnight. I have made mistakes and I am not perfect. So I am trying to get to know myself better because before this year I was a stranger to my own self. I made so many bad decisions because I just didnt know myself at all. At the end of the day you have to love yourself.
So I am trying to better myself, both mentally and physically. I have a lot of emotional problems and while I thought I was in touch with my emotions I frankly do not think so. I am trying to be more active instead of letting myself sit on the couch all day because it just makes me feel depressed, so I need to force myself into living until I actually want to.
This coming school year, I am dreading it, but I will grow and learn and help myself to care and feel and actually get excited about things again and feel compassion and love. I will jump into the things I want to do instead of always creating excuses and shying away and wishing things were different. I will create and be alive.
And last but not least STOP BEING JEALOUS. I am so jealous of other girls my age who have it figured out and are successful and it's a trap set up by society. Instead I need to celebrate their success and learn from what they've done and use it in a positive and encouraging way instead of constantly comparing myself in every possible way.
Currently perusing Nars lipstick shades online because i am addicted to reading reviews of products even if I don't listen to them and buy the product regardless, and i plan on rewarding myself with a lipstick. Becaaaaaaaauuuuuuuuuse, I am done with my first year of college! Today is officially the first day of my summer! which is great because I've never been on summer vacation on my birthday before (5/21), so i'm pretty excited about that. I'm going to try to make this summer a productive one since it's a bit longer than usual and i'm a bit over sitting around all day summer mentality, so check out my etsy as I will be hopefully working a lot more and there may or may not be some cool sales over the summer.
This year was so cool and went by so quickly so i feel confused and still a little stuck in high school mentally. I think I have made a lot of progress just in myself and figuring out what things i like and what i don't like or need in my life. But before i get too introspective and fill this post with cliches I am going to stop.
This summer I hope to work more on my art, both in continuing the techniques I learned in my drawing classes as well as music wise. And then after that I want to get my etsy functioning and awesome. I hope to get more motivation to do things because I have a really hard time with it. Also I hope to get back into my healthy routines and exercise more and actually follow through with plans. Basically i want to get my life together, easy right?
Just kidding I'll probably wake up at noon everyday and watch netflix in my pajamas.
Overall I'm really excited for my birthday and I feel so happy in the springtime.
Ahh yes, the sweet satisfaction of buying new school supplies. Having clean pages of notebooks, pens with full ink sockets, unscuffed shoes.
School is starting again.
But this year is a bit different for me, I'm transitioning from a child to a slightly less child, perhaps a young adult, one might say. Although I like to disconnect myself from the word adult, the whole young part makes it a little less harsh.
I'm going to college.
And I'm excited.
I think this is going to be a really big time for me, although isnt everything a really big time? I like to hope no matter what I am entering the most exciting, best time of my life.
I hope to put more into my blog, and make it a nice space for myself. A personal space that I can also share with others.
I've been feeling very fashion-ally inspired, probably based on the ridiculous amount of new clothes I've gathered and the excessive episodes of Pretty Little Liars I've viewed in the past 72 hours. (Netflix instaview will be the death of me, or more so my studying habits and sleeping schedule)
I hope that I can enjoy this time, and stop being so scared, scared to be alone, and let myself enjoy the times with myself. Scared to speak up, and instead say what I want and when I want it in order to do what's best for me. Scared to fail, instead try and do what I want, and not let my anxieties hinder me.
So occasionally I may or may not post about college and how I feel and such. Hopefully it'll be somewhat interesting and perhaps helpful to fellow students or maybe just a general nice thing for myself.
But, in case this year takes me by storm, as last year did as well. Feel free to follow me on twitter, tumblr and instagram by the username @camxies. I update these a bit more frequently.
(I now have both a personal and fashion based tumblr, because I totally needed another distraction)
.JPG)
.JPG)
.JPG)
.JPG)
.JPG)
.JPG)
.JPG)
